“He was lovely. I met him when I was taking art classes at a college. He was doing the class as a second subject because he needed more qualifications to go to university. We had a lovely first year together. I met his family, and they were also nice people. This lasted until he failed the final exam, and I didn’t. We got our results at the same time, and when he saw his, he went ballistic and angrily said, ‘Why do I always have to settle for the second choice?’ I said, ‘That’s not true you’ve—,’ but I didn’t get time to finish what I was going to say. He interrupted me, saying, ‘Don’t think you were even my second choice. You were just available, and no wonder why. You’re defective, so I could be certain no one was going to try and take you away from me.’ I have a disability, and he was a nasty, jealous, little bastard underneath that ‘nice’ exterior.”

“I am profoundly deaf from birth. I use hearing aids now, but they only boost what small capacity I have to hear. My main form of communication is lip reading and British Sign Language. I have to remember grammatical rules without much of an auditory prompt. When people naturally pause in speech, my brain is still trying to catch up with that lip shape, so commas and things are curious, little additions to me. I do try, though.

As for him, I think he was a deeply competitive person, more so than I realized. It was hidden from me for a year because he didn’t regard me in any way as competition. He was only doing the art classes for his university qualification. Suddenly, when he failed, and I, of all people, passed, I instantly went from a disabled, passive girlfriend who was no threat to his self-esteem to this exam ‘winner’ and threat.

Anyway, it taught me something about how deceptive people can be, a bit about attitudes toward disability, and a bit about relationships. He went off to university. Of course, it wasn’t his first choice of university, but then, he didn’t have the grades for that.” —u/[deleted]


“I didn’t actually give him a chance, but one day, I was talking to my friend, Andrew, in the break room at work when another guy jumped into the conversation with a, ‘Hey, man, what’s up?’ to Andrew. I assumed they were coworkers. After that, he’d stop by my office every night ‘on his way out’ to make awkward small talk. I mentioned that I have a boyfriend, but he’d keep coming anyway. I eventually told him these conversations made me uncomfortable and that when I’m at work, I’m working. He said, ‘Jeez, I was just saying hi on my way out.’ I finally closed my office door and waved him off when he’d knock, but he still kept coming. At that point, I went to Andrew and asked him to tell his coworker to fuck off. Turns out, Andrew has only ever spoken to him that one time in the break room. We looked him up in the company directory, and the guy worked two floors below me. I’m not ‘on [his] way out.'”

“He would come looking for anything to talk about. For example, he once pointed to a cartoon on a cereal box on my desk and said, ‘Hey, it looks like we’re both into anime!’ Nope, I’m just into generic Lucky Charms, dude.

At first, I’d try to be friendly. Then, he escalated. He asked things like, ‘Does your boyfriend come to take you out to lunch every week? No? You deserve someone who treats you better than that.’ He even offered to build me a better desk. When I declined, he said, ‘Jeez, I’m just trying to do something nice for you.’ He even gave me flowers for Valentine’s Day.

After speaking with Andrew, I called corporate security. They had a talk with him and his boss, and they also deactivated his badge access to my floor.” —u/Arboretum7


“I dated a nice guy before I knew what nice guys were, and it was an experience. He took a picture I had up on MySpace — showing my age — and made it his MySpace background. So if you went to his profile, there was a tiled background of that photo. He also was clingy when we were out in public. One day, I went to his house after school. My mom had gotten tickets for a movie later that night, so I had to be home by a certain time. He kept saying typical nice guy things and then was like, ‘Hey, let’s play this game. It’s called Are You Comfortable and goes like this: I’m going to put my hand on your leg, and you tell me when you’re uncomfortable.’ He then put his hand on my thigh, super close to my vagina, and I was like, ‘I’m uncomfortable already.’ He started saying, ‘Aw, come on. It’s not that bad; I won’t do anything,’ but got more aggressive. Then, my mom called me about the movie, and I ran out of that house.”

“I tried breaking up with him after, and he kept saying weird things like, ‘Have you cum when we were hanging out?’ Like, what? No. When I finally broke up with him, he threatened to kill himself, changed his name on MySpace to something emo, and made his whole profile black. I ended up getting called to the guidance counselor’s office and asked about it. I was like, ‘GUYS, I JUST BROKE UP WITH HIM. HE’S PSYCHOTIC.’

I tried looking him up a while ago. He’s apparently an Eagle Scout now, so I guess he’s got that going for him.” —u/reasonablecatlady


“I was coming out of a string of toxic, abusive relationships, so I promised myself I’d try to find a genuinely nice guy. Well, I had a date with this one guy. He was nice, and we had fine conversations, but I didn’t feel any chemistry. However, I also wasn’t used to dating guys who weren’t blatant assholes, so I figured that was why I didn’t feel an immediate connection. I told myself to go on one more date with him. This led to a third date, during which he asked me to move in with him, offered to put me on his insurance, and told me he loved me. I very gently told him that he was a great guy but clearly more invested than me and that he deserved someone who was equally attracted to him. At the time, he was cordial but confused. The next day, he posted a long rant on Facebook about how nice guys finish last, girls only want to date assholes, and how he opened his heart and home to ‘this ungrateful bitch’ only to be slapped with rejection.”

“I went on the third date convinced it would be the deciding factor. Our second date was short. We had an early dinner, and I was back home 90 minutes after he picked me up. There were no more sparks than on the first date, but again, he was nice, and it wasn’t a bad date. I was still wrestling in my head with the idea that I was just not attracted to him because he wasn’t an asshole and maybe I was just scared of nice guys.

Anyway, he left his rant up on Facebook for a few days and then blocked me.” —u/idontcare4205


“He was attentive and ‘not like the other guys.’ He wasn’t my type, but I’d been dating people who genuinely treated me poorly, so I thought it was time to make a mature decision and date someone with a job, who respected me, etc. He proposed quickly, and I married him. He then became the most abusive person I’ve ever known. He demanded I devolve into his sex slave and was addicted to porn, weed, and video games. According to him, he was special and ‘not like other guys.’ He thought he was smarter and more honest than anyone in the world, and I didn’t appreciate him enough. I became a prisoner in my own home. He controlled all the money and my social life. One day, he physically attacked me, basically a coercive/physical rape attempt, and I fled my home in panicked fear. He sent me a manifesto email telling me that unless I can submit 100% to his complete sexual control at all times, I was not to come home (to the house we owned together).”

“I was miserable while we were married. We’re divorced now. He keeps trying to get me back, saying he’s ‘changed’ and misses me.” —u/[deleted]